It seems that in today’s world we have become a society that wants things fixed instantly instead of being willing to put the time in to actually fix them. This has sadly become true with our own bodies and health. We want to lose weight, we take pills instead of going to the gym and changing our diets. When we want to be happy, we take pills instead of looking at why we are unhappy. If we cant sleep, look there goes another pill instead of trying to figure out why we lay there awake. We want instant gratification and satisfaction.
This was very true of myself a few years ago. I have suffered from various illness’s most of my life. So much in fact I had to be home schooled in High School to avoid missing too much school. It would be one doctor one day and another the next. Felt like I lived in the hospital sometimes. That can start to take a toll on a person mentally. It seems that taking the easy way out at the time is the solution. So I tried to.
Some of my issues caused me to develop restless leg syndrome. It made going to bed the worst part of the day. I would dread it no matter how tired I was. In the morning I called to make yet another appointment with my doctor. Explained to her how bad my legs were getting and how exhausted I had become from it. So, she did what any doctor would do, pulled out her prescription pad. I thanked her and headed to the pharmacy with hope that I would sleep like a baby that night! And I sure as hell did! I slept better than my kids do when they are trying to get out of doing chores! Didn’t wake up until my alarm went off. For the first time in what felt like years I woke up feeling amazing.
For six months I took my magic sleep pill every night and slept like a champ! Until one night I didn’t. I had a hard time sleeping. My legs started to act up again slightly. I woke up exhausted and cranky that morning. So I did what anyone would do, called my doctor again. Complained it wasn’t working anymore and needed help. They increased my prescription to the next highest dose. And wouldn’t you know it, I slept like a baby again.
Another few months went by. Work was getting busier and the kids schedules were getting more demanding. I had no time to go to the pharmacy to get my refill. Life got in the way so I stopped taking my magic pill. The first few days I was still sleeping okay and my legs weren’t bothering. I had assumed that I got better. About a week later I got sick. My head started hurting in a way it had never hurt before. My lips felt as if they kept going numb. I was more tired than I had ever been yet couldn’t sleep; I was getting sick and couldn’t eat. Of course I then called my doctor and they felt as if I had a migraine from stress at work. Made sense to me at the time so I just kept going.
One night I couldn’t keep going. My head hurt so bad that I had to take my ear rings out. They felt like they were squeezing me. I wanted to cut my hair off because it was hurting me. I couldn’t feel my lips anymore at all. My heart kept skipping beats and feeling like it was stopping. I laid there and cried and started to write my kids a goodbye letter. I honestly thought I wasn’t going to wake up if I fell asleep. Luckily I did wake up. I had my mother drive me to the hospital that day after work. They ran a bunch of tests and chalked it up to a bad headache. Not knowing better I listened and went on about my life.
That night my mom got my prescription filled for me to get some sleep. And that was the best night sleep I’ve ever had. I woke up feeling amazing. Well as life goes on and stayed as busy as always here I was a month later in the same boat. No pharmacy trip which meant no magic pills for me. I really suck at time management. Round two of feeling like I was dying started. Curious about what was wrong I decided to do some research. I actually read the papers they give you with pills that normally end up in the trash. It turns out my magic pill was a benzo. The most addictive medicine that anyone can take. My harmless magic leg pill actually almost killed me.
The night I went to the emergency room I was almost two weeks deep in withdrawl. People have died going through that. Every emotion I could feel, I felt in that moment. Sad that I almost left two little boys without a mother. Mad that someone let me take them. Hurt that nobody told me what could happen. Pissed at myself for being selfish and wanting sleep so bad that I was willing to just pop a pill. I knew what I had to do.
Again, for the last time, called my doctor. I asked how to stop taking these no longer magic pills but the poison. I was determined to stop taking them but knew I needed help. This is when I found CBD. It is a totally natural, non addictive product. I started vaping it a few times a day while I was weaning off the benzo’s. CBD has anti inflammatory properties which helped my legs. It helped my mood swings from the withdrawl. Even helped me get sleep!! Which was my main goal from day one!
The morning after I had taken my last pill, I looked at my kids and knew what I had to do. I had to stop being selfish and wanting things fixed instantly. Realizing I had to work to make myself better; I had to put the effort in no matter how long it took. No matter how hard it was. I continued to use the CBD to help with the after effects of the medicine that stayed with me for weeks. I used it everyday at least three times a day. About three months after the meds and using the CBD, I felt like a new person! I no longer had sleeping issues. I no longer had legs that left like spiders were crawling on them at night. Most importantly, I no longer had an addiction I wasn’t even aware of.
I sit here telling you this story two years later the healthiest I have ever been. It’s been two years now since I have even touched medication. However I do continue to use CBD religiously!! I truly believe that I wouldn’t have been able to get where I am today without it. In fact I probably wouldn’t be here at all without it. The experience made me a better person. My kids had their mother back and I had my life back! It taught me that if I want something, I need to work for it. I have to earn it. I can’t just take the easy way out to fix it. After all, the easy way out almost killed me.